Have you ever been in a relationship where you always felt a little like you were on pins and needles…?
Like you didn’t quite know what to expect or how the other person would respond at times?
Everything always felt a little on edge?
I was in a relationship like that for a few years.
I often felt like the man I was with was inwardly judging me as he observed my reactions to things; or worse, expressing his criticisms of me out loud.
I was constantly trying to do things for him to keep him happy for fear that he might get upset.
That’s a silly way to live… in addition to being very unhealthy.
Only after I’d left the relationship did I realize how painful and traumatizing it had been, not only because I never felt accepted, but because I never really felt safe.
The consequences of never feeling safe in that relationship took a huge toll on my self-esteem and self-worth.
So huge in fact, that it took me a long time to realize that it was okay to relax with a man and not be hopping up and down like a bunny rabbit trying to do things for him constantly to make sure he wouldn’t get upset about something.
I finally realized not only was it okay, but that I deserved to be with someone who made me feel safe and secure…
I had never given much thought to what made me feel safe and secure… until I felt unsafe and uncertain.
It’s very important for us to know what makes us feel safe and secure in a relationship.
Then we’ll not only know when we have it, but more importantly, we’ll know when we don’t have it.
After the end of this relationship that so shook me to my core, I made it my mission to understand what I needed, so I could do things differently in the future.
One of the biggest things I had never felt safe doing was expressing my feelings.
Either I said nothing, because I was too afraid of what his response would be, or when I did say something, I was very often interrupted with reactions which left me feeling berated, belittled and criticized.
I realized afterwards the importance of being listened to without being judged or constantly interrupted.
When I could share my feelings in a relationship without being judged or criticized, I felt safe.
When I felt accepted and loved for who I was, just the way I was, it made me feel secure.
If you’ve ever been in a relationship where you didn’t feel safe to express yourself, take some time to think about what you really need and how you want to feel in your ideal relationship.
Love should make you feel safe and protected like a warm hug.
What makes you feel safe when you’re with a man?
What makes you feel secure in a relationship?
With knowledge comes clarity and empowerment.
Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, said “An inability to notice our true feelings leaves us at their mercy. People with greater certainty about their feelings are better pilots of their lives, having a surer sense… about personal decisions from whom to marry to what job to take.”
When you have clarity about your feelings, it makes it easier to know who you are, what you’re looking for in a partner and in a relationship…
Even better, it makes it easier to know when you’ve found them.
What makes you feel treasured and cherished when you’re with a man?
You deserve to be treasured, cherished, loved and adored by the man you’re with… you deserve to feel safe, secure and accepted just for who you are, the way you are.
Discover what the things are that make you feel that way and you’ll have the start of a beautiful relationship for the future :-)